iM DRUNK OFF YER KiSS / FOR ANOTHER NiGHT iN a ROW

2002-09-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

PLAYiNG:feelitboy

ITS OVER AND DONE..IM NOT STRESSiNG ANYMORE ABOUT THAT GURRRRRRRRR

FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE..these past weeks have been a total change..more posts later

2002-09-13T05:32:00.000-07:00

PLAYiNG:SK8RBOi
WHAT A FCKiN WRECK "KiCK A TRiCKS ASS" "BiTCHGURL"RITEJEFF?

first of all..blogging hasn't been my major thing to do on the list jibberish..but here i am..on a friday night when i could be watching the game against ASIJ..but i aint..kuz i left purdy early..so anyway..recap on my week..last sunday i went to kaybee's first practice..i havent been to a practice since when..middle skool..havent really had the motivation to get off my ass and do shit ..except for hw..but thats an exception..bkuz my grades depend on that..so anyway..brisney is my FARTner..and its pritty kOol..kuz we're the kOolest of frens..and i gess being with him is dOoOoPE..hes not them serious guys that are like.."OKAYE LiSTEN..DO THIS DO THAT.." thats the gur's job..but i dont push him too much when it comes to me and him dancin and shit..its kOo..you should see us..we act like we know what were doing..but really we dont what the hell is goin on or how the steps go..we jes go with the flow i gess?! blahhhhh..we'll get it sooner or later..its only september..the debut isnt til november anyway..hahah.. we're starters..i gess were too shy to be dancing with eachother..well, i feel like that..but i dont know..things have CHANGED A LOT between me and him..

mondays, tuesdays, wednesdays, blahh..same ol shit on and on and on and on..skool is NEVER GOING AWAY..i want to go away..get away from homework..but i cant do that..im only a fckin JUNIOR..one more year and im out of this mofo..i still dont know where or what ima be doing..but the plan for cali with me, anne, and pie is still on.. yeeaaaaahhhh..haha..but jeaaa.. yesterday was open house..and i finally ordered my yearbook..whOooa..ive been waiting..i wanna see how the yearbook is gonna look like this year..even tho im gonna be leaving pritty soon nex year..s'all gooooOoo..i can get anne to go pick it up for me..and tell eryone to sign it so i can see it when she brings it down..er i come get it..whichever..even tho this place is really shiitty..i still dont want to leave..making me think about it makes me very emotional..blahhhh its true im a TRUE EMO AT HEART..and i plan to stay that way..its not healthy..but im used to it..crying in one day is BAD..i tell you BAD..BAD BAD BAD BAD..but ive been thrOo too much crap like that..have you ever wanted something so bad in your life so much you cried? yah well ive felt like that quite a few times..well..lets say..IVE BEEN FEELING LIKE THAT..

today is friday..the THURTEENTH....DUNDUNDUUUNNNNNN..whOooo..you know what that means..hahah i dont even know..but anyway..my day started out pritty gOod..i had ms. bork for 5th and she let us eat in class today..i was soooooo hungry outta my nuts i jes had to stuff myself with some frozen coconut cookies she was offering..even tho i ate at galley this morning with karenbell, leonard, and pat..i still felt hungry..ive never been so hungry in my life..i even ate before our lunch break..during middle skool's lunch..chicken tenders and cookies with caFRRRRRi sun is deeeeeelisssshhoOoos..oh yah..before 6th period..hahah i had the HUGEST HIGHLIGHT..[lookkjflskjfsoverklfjklsdjfmylsjfskdjfshoulder] mwahahha..ill keep that one to myself..then we had a PEP RALLY ..our skoOl was soooooo hyped up..we actually lost the JV GAME today..and me and piara passed by to see the game..and we saw that an ambulance was passing by..so we went to go see who got hurt..it was actually someone from our team bkuz the JV football players were kneeling down for the injured dOod..i still dont know who that was..but ill pray for him too!! =\ aww

they announced the new student council members for this year..and when this DOOD'S name popped up..i heard "GO BELLE!!" that shit was totally not for me..but mann did i like that..HIGHLiTE..hahah ..hMmm..thinking about it..or me.. NAHHHHHHHH
we saw jeff and decided to jes chill with him..kuz we dint have any frens..kaycee had her dope RAV4..but i didnt chill in there and went to jeffs skyline wit piara..he played ALWAYS ON TiME for me on the geEhtar..oOoh mannnnnn...TURNNNN ONNNNNN..guitars are the sexiest..and ALWAYSONTIMEismyABSOLUTESTSTESSTESTS FAVORITE SONG..well..i dont know about some other feeful..but it reminds me about some things..id rather not mention..people who know me ..know..YOU ASK THEM..hahah ..then the topic on BITCHGURL comes up..OOoH I SWEAR..i really dont know what to do about that chick..the only thing is i dont hate her..i jes dislike her at the moment bkuz of her motif and what her ..lets call it.. GAME is about..jus pisses the efffin FRiCK OUTTA ME..we cruised for the LONGEST TIME..mann i was about to fall asleep..and i messed with all the songs.. if i could go..contigo..ill pack my things..soon as you say..baby vamos..we'll fly away..like there is no..no tomorroeSTILL STUCK IN MY HEAD..hehehe.. we went to the tennis courts..and chilled for the longest time..jammin to music..thats the most FUNNEST..mwahahha..they all went w/ tris to go eat at bamiyan..i didnt go..i felt bad for piara kuz she was feeling sick and she dint want to go either..so i stayed with her..i had to go home..or WANTED [atthemoment] to go home in like an hour or so..we ate at mcdo..and WE HAD SHITLOAD TO TALK ABOUT..i really feel..weird about somethings..but it'll pass..im glad i got someone like pie to talk to..wHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT CHUUUUUU..hahah.. we went to watch the game..and the varsity game was about to start..so we stood there with carol, bailey, and joel..what a punk!! ahha..but YELIAB SI TOH.. ohhhhhhhhhh geeeezzzzzloooooweeez..only slow people wouldnt get what i jes typed..but BLAHHH..

I LEFT..half of varsity game..but let me jes say..that this day was shitty..but fun at the same time..there were some things i totally did NOT want to see today..and it pissed the eff outta me..holy baAAAAAhgeezus..not like anyone reads this..but i should end it..blogs these days are getting pritty long..mabeeh kuz i havent written in herrrrrrr. hmmm.. jeffer meffer.. thats jeffs new nickname..hahah..what a cOo homeboy..i love my friends to death

2002-09-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

oh mann..what a week

daym i havent blogged in like almost a week.i gess school got me too caught up in like hw and shit..but ima make a quick post..todays a sunday..i didnt really do shit yesterday..some black folks came over and they're pritty kool..um..today i gotta go kaybee's debut practice..weee..WE COULDNT WAIT HUH ANNE? anyway..yeeaahh..ill blog more laters..i don think i really got the time to do this ish no more :\ awww

2002-08-30T17:17:00.000-07:00

daym..sixteen already..
PLAYiN: COMPLiCATED
FEELiN: mOody..pms thing

wEeEeeEeeeeeeeeee..YESTERDAY was madddd fun..even tho i dint really do crap on my bday..but i couldnt wait til today..and what time is it? 903 am? hahah.yah im about to leave in like an hour and go piaras house..but anyway..let me tell you about my day yesterday..i woke up at around 5 kuz it TAKES me ages to get myself ready..the past few days ive been waking up late..as in..6 er 545..and i leave at around 610 to go onbase with pat leonard tonimae and karenbell and sometimes francis.. so anyway.. i put on my sooper kool sunglasses.hahh bspears stylleee.. mwahahahh..yah then like..we dint eat at the galley kuz leonard had to do hw in the van so we stayed there for awhile..then we went to skoOL..piara gave me a roxy shirt that she got for me when she went to the states..i went to the lockers and found that they decorated it with rugrats wrapping paper with a big ass bow on the top..weeeeeeee.. hahah yahhh.. then after college prep..i went to my locker agen..and bris came and i gave him a hug..and he was jes standing there..til he asked me if i can have my plastic bag for his shoes? hahahah..then i gave it to him..and went back to my locker..then roanne goes.. "BELLE.." and i turn around..and bris has this red shirt in his hands..hahah ..and i go..in my head..WHoOoA..is that for me? i gess it was kuz he was looking str8 at me..hesitating to give it to me..so i finally gave in and walked up to him and i saw that it sed hurley onit..stuff from pacsun rocks so i thought it would be kool to get a shirt like that too..i was sOoO SURPRiSED i gave him a biiiiiiiiggggg hug..its red and it jes says hurley in the middle of the shirt..someone told me it was his favorite shirt so he gave it to me..=) aw...thanks bris!!
so anyway..by the end of the day..people are jes saying..happy birthday happy burhdae..blahblahblah..too many thank yous and blahblah..we ate at food court for lunch..and mann..THOSE FRESHMENS..geezus christ..theres jes a shitload of them erywhere..hahah..er "WHAT BELLE..R----E has s NiCE ASS" hahahahahah..oh lordyyyy..after sKoOl..pieyah gave me this card that eryone signed..awww... hahah..then we went to the exchange and chilled for awhile..we were all planning to go..offbase..but since kaybee had to go home..we all decided to jes go tomorroe.. as in today.. then after that..we saw kaycee..and decided to jes go her house and chill..we practically KiLLED ALLLL HER FOOD and raided her shit.. we finished about half a bag of chips..and all the DIP!! ..WHoOOoOo..today agen!!?!? hahahha..then like..we watched saving silverman..NEiL DiAMOND!! HAHAHA..and i was jes out of it that day..we went exchange kuz karenbells parents were there..i decided to go too..kuz then i had to go eat with my parents..since i was gonna go out the whole day today..oh yah..and i saw ervin..he remembered my birthday too..so he gave me this thing for your phone..er..you know..that wrap around thing that covers your whole phone..ugh hard to explain..ill show whoever.. met up with her rents at the commisary..then we went daiei..i was sooooooooo skurred that i was gonna get in trubble kuz i didnt know we were gonna daiei?!? hahaha i had to go home and leave and eat..but then she had to pay her phone bill..anyway i didnt get in trubble this time..alrite well..im about to get ready..we'll see what today brings.............. =) weeeeeeeeeeee

2002-08-29T01:58:00.000-07:00

i FEEL LiKE iVE LOST A BEST FRiEND

whooOo..what fckin shitty day..i havent blogged since..the FIRST FUCKEN DAY OF SKOOL..and now i here i am..todays my brothers bday..and tomorroe is MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!! hahahaha..sweet SEXTEEN NIGGGAA.. i cant wait..errr anyway..lately ive been thinking about too much shit..i gess this person thinks that i really dont kur about his/her feelings..but honestly, i do..i cant live without this person..without him/her i'd rather be dead..SERIOUSLY..im the one who fucked up the whole friendship..and now it leads to this..lately he/she's been berry distant..and i gess things changed after what happened..im so stOOpid from keeping it away..worse, LYiNG..but i gess im stooPiD enough to figure out that eryone would know eventually..lying is what really got me in trubble..i mean i couldve jes sed the truth..but the TRUTH HURTS..and thats the reason why i lied in the first place..yah yah i know..i should be honest and straight up..being it all that this person is my bressresrestestetet frerererereeiiiiiiiinddddd in the worldddd..and uh..i gess things are NEVER gonna be the same agen..i noticed it..in the past few days that skool has started..i feel like shit..foreal..he/she thinks i really dont kur..what tha fuck..how the fuck can i NOT CARE..i dont understand why he/she couldnt get mad at the OTHER person..there are some people like that..and i didnt know this person would TAKE it like this..but i gess..thats his/her choice..and seriously, its up to him/her if she wants to keep the friendship with me? its my fault..it happened all bekuz of me..why should i make the decision..i understand he/she still wants to keep the friendship bekuz thats what they told me themselves..but then agen other people say that they should end it..maybe i shouldnt talk to him/her for awhile..so then can make up their mind..settle the decision on whether or not they wanna be my friend..its all up to them..its not all up to me..the damage has already been done =(

shoot.me
i want to be with robin now
i wanna get out of here
theres no use of me staying here
tell all my friends im dead
i have no friends..

2002-08-26T04:04:00.000-07:00

[UGGGH..what a bad fckin day]lk
I HAD THE WORST SKOOL DAY EVER..OMG..

i woke up at 430 this morning..so i could get a ride with leonard..i walked all the way to his house..and mannnnn..was i tired? going up the hill is KILLER! anyway..so then we left..and we went to go eat at the galley..breakfast date with the one and only leonard..and pat and francis sat at the table next to us..whOoO..LEONARD WAS ACTING SOOOOOOO RETARDED..haha..you should've seen him this morning..oh lordyyy..i finally got to skool..and KARENBELL'S BACK!!! after galley..we went to go pick up jeff..then like..going to skool..this fckin car was slowing all of us down..i think those guys literally did that on purpose..we were running a lil late [or so we thought] so people behind us kept beeping at that mofo..anyway..i got my schedule..IT SUX!! i have no classes with my gurs..foreal!! hahaha..so im planning on changing some shit around ..prolly tomorroe after skool..first period was kOo..i got college prep with leonard..haha [HI MY NAME IS LEONARD ANDREW MACATOL ..CHEEEESE:D] hahaha..hes a fruit..or the "BOOKS ARE SOOOOOO OVERRATED" hahahaah..yahhh we rock in that class..2nd i got chem with kaybee, dion, jackie, anne, and barbara..yeeeaaaahhhh ..hahah and 3rd sux! spanish was not what i wanted so ima change that..roanne was in my honors class..but i think that gur is gonna change out of it..so yah..it was pritty shitty..some things kinda pissed me off today..and i cried like maddddd when i got home..another fight with my unstoppable mom..keeps talking and talking and talking..NO STOPPiNG?! GEEZUS..and some shit that happened today..i cant get it out of my head..i feel like i lost a fren..seriously..its the first day of skool..im supposed to be nervous/happy/giddy all that good shit..but no..i dont feel any of that..i feel like im a really bad person..and i did something wrong..i know i should feel ashamed for..most of all kuz it hurts SOMEONES feelings..to that person..i'd jes like to say im sorry for whatever..and for THAT..but i still have mad luv for you and that i hope our friendship doesnt change and that we could still be the closest of friends..alwaise..forever..haha..whenever?? yeaaahh..alrite well..TODAY WAS GAY..wow that rhymed =D hahaha..and errrr..WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROE.. =\

2002-08-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

geez that blog down there is fckin long =\

2002-08-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

YOU KNOW..i DONT LiKE PEOPLE WiTH BiG LiPS..HHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA =)
ROOOOOAANNNNNEEE JANNNNNEEEE GAAARRRCIIIAAAAAA DOOOOOMINNNNNNGGGOO
PLAYiN: bitter
FEELiN: surprised.flattered.overwhelmed.haffy.sad.moody

MANN OH MANN OH MANNNNN....WHAT A DAYYYY..ERRR..WHERE DO i BEGiN..i went onbase today..for the first time in like...how many days..haha i make it sound so looooonnggg..but anyway..errmm..around 2 i left..and anne called to say she would meet up with me at the exchange..unfortunately, she didnt go..for some gay reason..she has problems..so im sitting at the food court like a little loser waiting for her ass..until i call and she said she had to do stuff for her mom..yeahhh gRRREAT..THANKs FOR TELLiNG ME..but while i was there i saw leonard and pat..driving around in circles..looking for somewhere to park..i gess they dint see me..kuz then jesse was with me and he jes came to say hi..until we like..WAVED AT THEM..i gess they werent paying attention to anyone in the food court so they dint see us..i got tired ..er impatient waiting for anne..so i called dion to see whats up..and where they were at..he and tris came to pick me up..and then we went to fuji kuz jeff was fixing his speakers?! or something with his car..and i saw francis too..what a butthead! all of them are! [its not funny..] oh yah before i forget..HAPPiE BiRFDAE pATRiCK

i left after 1o minutes to go get my mom and brother at my aunties house..they were getting a haircut..my mom looks younger..my brother looks weird..i dint even recognize him when i came to get them..haha i was like.."uh..who are you?!" when he came to answer the door..oh shit..and finally i got a haircut too! its about time! my hair was looking..whack..i swear people kept saying i looked old..kuz my hair was fckin long! i missed it so much..i saw kaycee was rite..she asked me if i cried and i said..nah..but i did..but not a lot..hahah..i gess she prolly would've too..she told me cutting her hair was a big mistake..but i dont think her hair looked bad to me at all..i gess she wanted to try something new? ..........i cried kuz i was mad ..my mom wants it fckin short..as in a lil above the shoulder..maybe up to my ears? HELL FCKiN NO..above the shoulder is tOO SHORT!..my hair is past my shoulders still..but its not as long as before..before..it was um..way past my chest..as in..almost to the middle of my back er..to my stomach maybe? whOo..lordy..its weird..but i miss my hair..=( blahhh..after that..i left agen kuz i dint wanna stay with them..so i went to bris' house to go visit him.. i havent seen that mofo since..july? i felt like i went on vacation and that i jes got back..kuz bris looks really different..i dont know..he looks older to me..kuz before he looked like a little small kid..now he looks much older and darker..shiiiiit..DARKER THAN ME..mwahahha.. its a good thing..and he grew..kuz it looked like he got taller..SO ANYWAY..he had to go church so i left..to go back..i was pritty glad i saw him today =) its good to know that even tho things dont work out with some people sometimes..that at least you can still be frens..maybe the closest of frens..who knoes? i mean..i even got along with his mom..the first thing i said to her was "mann, auntie i havent seen you in a long time" and she goes "you havent seen brian in a long time?" and i go.." NOOOO..i sed youuu, auntie" haha..she goes.."ohhhhhhhhhhhhh" it kinda felt weird..kuz i was used to ..SOME THiNGS..you know..the hugging shit..and blah blah..but we dint do that..we acted like normal frens..for some reason im still not use to it..and i get all kj thinking about it..and when i talk to roanne..i talk to her like we're still together but we're not..i mean..theres no shame in that..thats really how i feel..but i need to get over it..kuz im fckin stoOPid anyway..roanne talks to me like we're still together too! so we're both even..who the hell has no life and is reading this fckin blog anyway? err whoever is..now you know how i really feel..

after that i went back to get my mom..AND omg..if i were to rename my mom..i'd call her sOoperwoman..geeeez..my mom is not afrayd er embarassed about the fact that she walks with crutches..holy shitballs..im walking next to her and ..i gess all these cars and people pass by..and like..i mean of course you're gonna stare and look at who that person is..my mom thinks shes the only filipino woman who has a broken leg on both ikego and yoko..im like..WTF? MOM, WHY ARE YOU EVEN THiNKiNG ABOUT THAT? hahaha..sorry..it cracks me up too..but dont make fun of her..so anyway..all these people are jes passing by staring at my mom..and from the corner of my eye i can see my mom..jes looking at them..with this LOOK..like.."YAH THiS iS ME..GOTTA PROBLEM?..246-8836" im like..mom, stop looking at them like that..she goes "well since they keep looking might as well look at my FACE too if they wanna know who i am" ..eeehhhhh i busted out rite then and there..my mom can be a crack sometimes..she was actually not in her usual bitch mode like before..i like my mom better that way..it doesnt make me want to throw a brick at her..i went comissary to get some shit that we needed for my brother..and gess who i saw..dundundunnnnnnnn JEDDDDD!! weeee..i missed that boy! we both live in the same base and we still dont even chill..lately its been joy but i gess jed's busy with football and stuff..he says he's gonna save me a seat on the bus..yah he better =) i got a breakfast date ..WHAT NOW? yah and money to buy jed a drink..last year, it was a daily thing..erytime i'd ask him to go with me to the exchange to get food ..he'd say "MABELLE, CAN YOU BUY THIS FOR ME?" =\

after comissary i went exchange and got food for my brother and mom..i ate taco bell..and i got mad kuz there's no more CHEESY gorditas......gaaaaaddddd dammit..scOOBER the loser went with me..i went home with icelle and her family kuz they gave us a ride..shes pritty kOo to talk to ..i gess that was the first time i really talked to her..kuz she always rode my bus..but we never sat next to eachother or really talked..i think the last time i talked to her ..on the bus was prolly when skool was ending? hahha.yah shes trippin out kuz she thinks ima have the same clothes as her for this skool year? wtf? she shops at alloy..i dont shop there as much as i do at pacsun so i told her to chill out..=)

theres been a lot of things on my mind lately..i cant really turn to a lot of people..what people dont know wont hurt them..i dont know how to really express the way i feel rite now..about a bunch of THiNGS..but im not scared..i can handle this on my own..

oh wait did i forget to tell you..i was pritty glad to see someone today..that feeling is overwhelming..seeing someone after what seems soooooooooo long ago is the greatest..i dont think im gonna ever feel like that agen..

shoot.me

2002-08-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: complicated
FEELiN: weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

OMMMMMGGG..i GOT CAUGHT..GAAAAADDDD RiTE ANNE? geeeeeez..iF iT WASNT FOR MY STOOPID MOM..I WOULDN'T HAVE TO GET OFF THE FCKiN PHONE..ANYWAY.ERRR..LATELY IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT TOO MUCH SHIT..ITS FRUSTRATING BUT ILL MANAGE..THE WEEKEND NEEDS TO COME NOW..BKUZ FOR SOME REASON I WANT SKOOL TO START.....AAAHHHHHH GEEEEEZ..ERRR
OKAYEEE..ANYWAY..I CANT SLEEP..holy crap..HIGHLIGHT..lowdark....YEAAAAAAAHHH ..mwahahha

2002-08-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: DONT CHANGE i was meant for you and you were meant for me yeah / and ill make sure that i'll be everything you need yeah
FEELiN: overwhelmed

WHY i LOVE YOU
..MAYBE THATS THE REASON WHY i LOVE YOU..YOU'RE MY HEART..BOY..AND WiTH ALL THE CRAZY THiNGS THAT i DO..YOU'RE STiLL HERE..YEAH..NO ONE ELSE CAN MAKE ME FEEL LiKE YOU DO..YOU CHANGED MY WORLD..MAYBE THATS THE REASON WHY i LOVE YOU..

i fell in love with that song the moment i heard it..mwahahha i jes got back from my aunties house..and mannnnnn typhoon's are a BiTCH..geeeez i woke up this morning at 9 something kuz then..i went onbase..i ended up going to the hospital with my mom and my auntie and her daughters..and then i had this HUUUUUGE STOMACHACHE..oommmgg..its that time of the month..then we ate at mcdo..then i went to roannes house to get my stufff..yeeeahhh hahah i finally got my stuff..there goes my bday present..thanks anne..then i went home after that..kuz i didnt feel like staying out today..its ugly outside so i wanted to go home so badly..once i got home..i spent five er six hours watching music videos..geeeeez it was long..including all the commercials from the states..whOo i missed those..hahah..yeeahhh thats when i heard that song up there..if someone sang "why i love you" to me and actually meant it..i'd cry..its flattering and it shows how much a person feels for youuu..B2K sings it and they're HOOOOOTTTTT..and like..i prolly watched that 9 or 10 times already..im not even tired of it..yettt..errr well..roanne called me and kristian and tris were there..and i didnt talk long kuz my mom was waiting for a phone call..anne brought up the ..whOole.. "labber" thing..mannn oh mannnnn DONT SAY THAT TO MEEEEE..gurrrr were not even..a THiNG ANYMORE..i like you the way you are..when we're driving in your car..and you're talking to me one on one says avril [MEMORiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiEZZZZZZZZZZmay4]

the music videos were more like..songs that guys should sing to gurs kinda thing..you know? like the sappy love crap that a bunch of dOods were singing..the "gOod man" song was sad..kuz in the end i think..he was gonna ask his gurl to marry him..but she died..so it was too late..so he left the ring on top of her coffin and walked off..oh mann what am i talken about ..whoevers bored out of their nuts thats actually reading this is prolly like..clueless..if you didnt see that yet..then yahhh..go watch it..if you have cable er whatever..go watch bet..anyway..jes a row of 4164716475 this week!! yeeaaahhhh goooooooooooo..anyway i cant go to sleep nowadays for some reason..i think i have some insomnia disease in me..SO WHAT DO i DO? go online and talk to people...errrr yesterday ralph slept over pats and i talked to them for awhile..ohhh geeeeeznuts..[BABOON..i dEMAND yOU sEiZE tHAT aT oNCE..MAAAAAKEEEEEE MEEEEEE] hAHhahaha..

i was thinking agen today..err staying at home makes you think a lot..but have you ever wondered how sometimes there comes a chance when you want to let something out so bad..but you hesitate and end up not saying anything at all and..keeping it inside for the longest time..and regretting it in the end or by the end of the day..i alwaise felt like that..i regret the fact that i wanted to say something to someone..or at least do something..like a conversation or even a "Hi" probably..but then i chicken out at the end..blahhh geeeez..whats wrong with me..i mean..im not the only chick that does that..theres other gurls like that out there..piara would know..bkuz when i ask her about something like that..she says the exact thing i say..its natural for something like that to happen..maybe its a sign that its not the RIGHT time to say er do..whatever the hell was on your mind..maybe thats what kept me from regretting not saying anything..i should learn how to overcome that..

2002-08-18T09:17:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: understatement
FEELiN: yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy =)

the unevitable happened..too many things happening in one day..good lord..so anyway i blogged awhile ago..but i ended talking on the phone with anne on and off..mwahahah yeeeeeeahhhh..you should hear our dope pick up lines..they're so retarded ..we could kill the moment if we wanted to..after hearing our jokes..its like.....GETTT OUTTTT hahaha..yeahhhh well..errmM..she was at jeffs house and she was BORED so her dumb butt called me and we talked for awhile..after that my auntie came over and asked us if we still wanted to go onbase tomorroe kuz den the storms pritty much already here..and blahhh out of all the summer days i could've went out..it jes HAD TO RAiN..on the day that i wanted to actually chill with my frens..then fatrick called but we dint talk that long..i went online..and blah [ 1 607 217 3177217 from dundundunnnnnnnnnnn..yeah you know ] for the VERY VERY FiRST TiME it took a miracle to write that..but geeeeez..out of all the times why now? rite..well yahhhh. my feelings for this someone grew stronger and stronger..i cant help to think how much i miss that boy..

FOR SOME REASON..roanne got fat.. i mean its mean how we all clown on her about getting fat..and her eating huge gigantic watermelons er cantalOops er even.. a PiG..[gooooo headdd diiiiioonnn] but i still lah you gurrr.. mwahhaha..its okaye to be thick

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee cant wait.. tomorroe should come now..even tho its like 112 in the morning..errrrrrr PiZZAAAAAA..yyyuummm

2002-08-17T23:24:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: MY FRiENDS OVER YOU
FEELiN: sssOooOoOoo GREATTTT 1 607 a 416471647..HiiiiiiiiiiiiGHDARK..highlight ..highdark..OH MANN

heyheyhey..whoawhoawhoa..didnt blog..ohhhh nooooo..mwahahha anyway....whoOo what a weekend..can you believe skOol's almost startin..aaaaaahhh hahahahha..oh lordy..i so dont not want it to start..im not ready to wake up early in the morning to spend more than an hour in one class each day..i hate that..but anyway.. yesterday was pritty kOo..i saw dundundunnnnnn.. ROANNE!! hahah i havent seen that biznitch in the longest time..OoOh wait what am i talken about..hahah i was w/ her in the states..for like the whole month of july and half of august..mwahahha we jes got back on friday....AHAHAHHAHAH..ANYWAY..yahhhh hilarious crap..but she came to visit me yesterday..along with kristian and ralph..after that..we walked to pats house and we all jes chilled there..me anne ralph kristian pat francis and steevOo..nothing interesting it got boring..and mann i was in my PMS STAGE..i had these really bad cramps..but i dont know why..im late ..so yahhh.. maybe thats why..deeenn..after that i left to go home..i wasnt feeling well..and roanne burned me new found glory's new cd!!! hahahah yeeaaaahh they rock..mwahahha..you notice my label up top.."im drunk off yer kisss..." it comes off their album..so anyway..im not even gonna ask anything from her..anymore..in awhile..kuz dat ghur pritty much got erything i wanted..and since she loves me so much she got it ALLLL for me..aahahhahah oh mannnnnnnn.. SNL ANNE! "YOUR CONCEiTED.." or " YOUR THE DEViL.." oh lordyyy..i stayed up til 5 talking to anne...jes reminscing.."lets go.. all of us once agen..pull another 81215'5 house.." mwahahhahah oh lordyyy..i got a highlite..once agen..thank the lord for best frens..seriously what can you do without them..i might go out and jump on all the puddles outside my sidewalk since the typhoon's almost coming.. sweeeeetttttttt aaaaassssss.. =)

..THiS is BECOMiNG TOO ROUTiNE FOR ME..BUT i DiDNT MEAN TO LEAD YOU ON.. AND iTS ALRiTE TO PRETEND THAT WE STiLL
TALK..iTS JUS FOR SHOW..iSNT iT..iTS MY FAULT THAT iT FELL APART..

2002-08-13T07:32:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: THE MOST DEPRESSiNG SONG
FEELiN: gOodness GRACiOUS GRRRRRREAT..
wait do those two make sense up there.. ehhhh.. MiXED EMOTiONS..
= most incredible thing happened today = [am]

cat the loser nerd jes left my house a few minutes ago..i didnt do jack shit today..even tho i went out it was pritty shitty as alwaise..first off my mom was madddddddddddddddddd yelling and pms'ing over the stoOpid things agen today..gaaaadd how erkin she can be at times..then i get ready at around 130 kuz i was planning on kickin it with steven and frances but i couldnt get a hold of them..so i ended up sstaying with my mom the whole time..anyway..i got to the exchange and where do i go first? strayt to the kid's sections..pants here capris there shirts there sweaters here..whOoO i spent prolly an hour and a half jes looking throO them..one of my guilty pleasures is shOPPiNG..and ohHh how i love doing that..even trying clothes on kills time with me and my frens..i end up getting some stuff and a pair of ppants and thats probably it..hMm..more stuff..nahhhhh maybe later..i saw jeff and steven today kuz they were outside the exchange talking to frances on their cell..mannnnnnn oh mannnnnn i saw that ghurl..and seriously her phone is a RETARD..i wanted to throw it at her..i. called her cell almost a ba-ZiLLiON times..and she would nevvvvvvveeeeeerrrrrrr answer..mwahahha i still lah you ..and dannnn we jes talked for awhile while jeff bought hot cocoa..more like COLD..then i ended up eating a shitload of fOod..i dont know what made me oh-so hungry but my tummy was not cOoperating with me..it kept saying..........i NEEEEDDDD FOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD ..hahaha whOo the joy of fOod..i cant live without you..your wondering how the hell does this chick like fOod so much shes not gaining anything from it..first of all im not a FATTY GURL like roanne ..all people say is "mabelle, YOUR SKiNNY GO EAT"..i say.. SHUT THE FCK UP..really, i hate hearing that from people..it lowers my confidence in eating all together..what do you want me to do? keep eating nonstop eryday in whatever i frickin find in my ref..geez, thanx for the encouragement it really helps..stoopid bitches..so ANYWAY...i got home around 8 and cat came over..we talked things out..and reminisced..[iNSiDEJOKECAT!] hahahaha..thats the greaaaaaateeeestttt.. i'd have to say having deep conversations are one of the best things in life..i swear having gOOD conversations are really grrrrrreat..you should try it sometime with people you dont really talk with..then you'll know more about that person and that person might know more about you..making it more reason to be their fren..or for them to be your fren..or other way around.....nerrrrrrrrrmind you know what i mean? blahh..i jus thought of JOSH HARTNETT agen.. sorry piara.. MMMMMMMMUUUHHHHHHBBEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLEEE....whOoOOoOooOOoo BABY! SAY iT AGEN! =)

2002-08-12T08:08:00.000-07:00

heyheyhey..talkin to cat online..whOoO OUR iNSiDE JOKE ROCKS !! mwaaaahahha..yahhhhhhh 3o minutes niggaaaaaa.. i did it..i
did it..that was meeeee..i FAHHHHHHTED..i am deeeeeee weeeeeeeennnnneeeerrrrrr..hahahahha ..oh geez..we're goofballs... =) whatdid gniwolbwons mean agen? hehehe..

2002-08-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: iM A SLAVE FOR YOU ....wEeEEeEe..
FEELiN: wayyyyyyyyyy down
weeeeee..even tho i feel like shit..today was fckin shitty..i got an email from someone i havent heard from in the longest time..i should've been expecting a letter from this person a lonnnnnggg time ago..now i dont know what to feel..what to say..that letter kind of made me think..i hate letters like that..to make matters worse it made me feel bad..dont go fckin complaining about shit that happened awhile back..i hate wen people jus bring stuff up..especially something i should've already forgotten..thats why it made me think..you wonder how people can be so naive and also being in DENiAL..erks the fack outta me..oh well i'll get over it..i dont like takin things to the heart sometimes..bekuz in the end i get hurt even more..i mean, i like the fact people give me advice..and advice that i can actually use..but then i've learned that they can't solve my problems..i know only i can..i notice i take whatever people tell me..and i use it for myself..but AT TiMES..it doesnt work..maybe i should learn how to handle things on my own...i gess im too dependent on other people..i hate the fact of being alone..before i go insane..or something..but usually i dont go nuts..people often perceive me as being weird..i admit i am sometimes..but people need to grow up..my mom used to always tell me to grow up kuz i didnt act my age..i havent MATURED yet..and yet, i dont want to..being immature isnt annoying or ignorant to me..its the way people express theirselves..im immature about almost erything..but i know when to be really serious if the situation calls for it..who wants to be serious and kj all the time?! i mean..ALL THE TiME..not AT TiMES..but all the time..there are some people out there like that..i dont discriminate or dislike them..i dont like kickin it with people like that..if they DONT like laffing at stoopid jokes or even laffing out of no where..that seriously kills my day..or even when people take jokes seriously..they know exactly my point and that im messing around..it doesnt mean they have to get mad all the time..especially how people tell me to "stop, you're acting retarded" or "shut up, be quiet" jus so they wont look bad chillin with a goofy geek..im not being rude ..im jus being myself..its hard to find frens that accept you for who you are [maroara=)] and that can be cheeseballs too..have you heard of the FOB `cry` version ..mwahah me and piara rockkkkk with that song.. [whasdurdatirealisthatporiberwhasinyooriis..damomendisawyourcryyyyyy] hahahahhahha...

2002-08-11T03:51:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: YOUR BOYFRiEND SUCKS
FEELiN: like shit..i miss enoemos a LOT
WHOA i havent blogged in awhile!! geeeeeezzzzz..mann a lot of shit has happened since..errr.. july 26? and its what..august 10 today..ehhhh..yah i finally found a life..but NOTHiNG BiG has been goin on lately..im still stressin over the usual SiTUATiON that i still..cant seem to let go..and yet..im stilll HERE..usually i isolate myself from eryone else..but i cant let myself down by one lil thing yunno? the things im feeling are prolly worthless..making me feel like shit..since the last time i blogged..i finally made up with a fren i soooooo wanted to be frens w/ agen..i gess she forgave me..but like kaycee sed..its prolly the best feeling in the world..and really it is..the fact that ive been sayin sorry and that she finally accepts it..its like some kinda miracle..anyway...roanne says she might not be back for my burthday..and mannnn SOOOOO MANY PLANS ive already made..and her ass might not even be here..whats the use?! this is prolly the last burthday ima be spending w/ them ..and the memories we might have to make the most of til i ............OKAYE..moving on.. so anyway..late night sneak outs are not my idea of a KiCK ASS summer..i miss chillin with my frens a lot..even tho i get the chance..i still dont take it..bkuz im like ..lazy out of my balls and i have no energy to get ready and dress myself up after being in bed for 7 hours watching nothing but cartoon network..seriously the cable sux balls..we have to wait until september to get the REAL CABLE.. blahhhh..ahhhhhh once agen..i miss the shows..so..hMmM...i havent kicked it with frankie in awhile..or pie..or anne..or kaybee..er cat..geez where are these people..LAST NiGHT ..JOSH HARTNETT WAS ON..sweeeeetttttt assssssss..HES NOT HOT..like how pie thinks..but hes okaye..the only thing that gets to me about him..is the fact that his voice can be so deep..it would've prolly sound gOod in bedddd..mwaaahahah rite?!!!!?? oh lordy...mmmmmmmuuuuhhhhhhbeellllleeee.. its getting HOT.... =)

2002-07-25T23:16:00.000-07:00

july25 - 1035 pm [thankyoufloppydisks]..sorrycouldntputitinlastnight.compfroze[daymyou]
PLAYiN: iSLAND iN THE SUN

whenyouronaholiday.youcantfindthewordstosay.allthethingsthatcometoyou.andiwannafeelittoo.onanislandinthesun.we'llbeplayinandhavinfun.anditmakesmefeelsofine.icantcontrolmybrain

FEELiNG: frustrated [imisstalkiintocathrlinalilavita :'( gaaaaaadddd]

..first off i had this urge to get online..at what time in the morning..4 er 5..i dont know why..i couldnt go to sleep..i fell asleep last night watching queen of the damned..that movie is sick as hell..but jea then i went back to sleep after going online for some gay reason jus to see who was on..jes jeny and the stateside feeful..blaaahh..then i woke up at around 10..and GESS WHAT? he was there..yeeeeeeahh..yup..you wonder what someones screen name really means or who its for? ive been thinking about that shit ..mann its a bugger..wait is that even a word? ANYWAY..so my moms has this errrand she wants me to run for her..so im by myself as usual..but living here isnt all that bad..im not really into that..seeing the same people eryday kinda thing..and sometimes i feel like im in hell when i don't see my frens eryday ..but now that im used to it..its a problem that's not worth stressin over..so even if my frens say "aaaahhh suckah your at home..blah blah" and when they do their regular eryday bs dissing on my mom and shit..i jes tell them to either fuck off or that i dont even fckin care..GET A LiFE..yunno? who cares about seeing me anyway..doesnt even matter..

so its 1245 and i was waiting for roanne to get online..that gur better come back and she better get online kuz her mailbox is prolly full from all this shit that i've been sending her..there goes your box limit..then pieyah gets on..mann REESE [justin berfield] from malcolm in the middle iS HOT..you know the second oldest..next to francis..from youngest to oldest its dewey, malcolm, reese, then francis..BUT MANN..hes fckin HOT..and gess what..pie told me he was 16!!! sssssswwwwwwwweeeeeeetttttttt aaaaasssss farrrr outtt dood..SHiT..nex to him..benji from GC is hot too..mwahah..sORrRy he's mine too [briana:youcanhavejoel] SO ANYWAY..me and pie are sOoOO BORED outta our balls we end up lookin for guysh online..mwahah..yahoO ASiAN avenue anyone? ..no luck for me i wasnt even trying[yahfuckinrite] pieyahs been working on her page..she aint really got the time to do ours..kuz seriously looks like shit..we needa go FiX some stuff.. http://www.angelfire.com/hi5/maroara its not done yet..but thats all we got..all the stuff written in there..is all PiARA's magical bOoTYful work..BACK TO WHAT iM TRYiN to EXPLAiN

around 130 my moms calls me from downstairs ..i gotta do her ERRAND NOW..and that is to mail some shit before it starts to rain..HELL FuCK NO..not in the weatttthhheeeerrr...mAaNNnNN..im mad kuz i had to walk in the fckin rain and once i got home..er an hour later..the fckin sun comes out!?!?!? wtf? i couldve gotten sick..the weather has been workin its magic..

so i get home around 4.. 430..going up those daym steep stairs is a killer..there goes my legs.. yeaaahhh belle work ittt..
rest of the time im online..and ViN DiESEL's hot too..okaye jes had to say that..round seven-ish steven calls but i didnt get to answer it kuz i didnt have the energy to walk to the other room to get the phone..doing nothing all day makes you so gaaaadd daym lazy..i was at the kitchen and the phone in the kitchen is..well..DEAD..around 930 fatrick and francccisss come by to say Hi..MY PHONE iS BROKEN[thankyoupiara]DONT CALL ME..im getting a new one..so be patient..[tukaflipphonehereicome..think : KARENBELL] pisssshhhh..sHooOoOOoOo..carry out

2002-07-24T18:31:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN:3 SMALL WORDS
FEELiN:weEeeEEEeeEEeeE berry haffy
daym this place is dead..i dont think i blogged in like 2 days..so let me start..first off..yesterday i went to uHhm..the mini mart with karenbell and i dragged her ass outta her house kuz that ghur was like..i dont know..i gess she dint feel like going out..and since we didnt take a shower yet..HAHHAHHA..HEYYYY we were going to once we got back home..kuz you know..the whole.."oh welll we're gonna sweat anyway might as well jus go out and take a shower when we get back home" PRACTiCAL RiTE? it doesnt even fckin matter we dint even see anyone..so jeaa..we jes chilled for awhile there..then went back home..then i got into this huge argument with my mom about some shit i'd rather not talk about..mannnn i was frickin pissedddd..but anyway..so i went back agen..and got KARENBELL agen..mwahahah..she was about to go gym..but she had an hour to spare..so i brought her ass out w/ me agen..ahhhhh..THE TEMPATiONS..huh kaybee? mwahaha..suckkaahh.. is aite yo..YOU FiNALLY DiD iT..JULY 23, 2oO2 mwahahah..GOOD JOB..i give that a TTEEEEEN..A FCKiN TEEENN..mwahahha..TODAY WAS A SHiTTY fCKiN DAY..jes like any other day..i got home around..9 yeah? 9 i think..then i talked to pat on the phone for awhile..HE CANT DO iT..lmao.horny bastard..AUGUST 3o..WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS..yessss my burfday..cant wait..alrite no more to say..talking to ppl now..sHooOoOoo..OH YAH..and wen i was online the night before..wHOoOo HiGHLiGhT..my 71213170 i'md me first..YESSSS..ahahahah..succccckaahh..whOoO made my day.. =)

2002-07-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: WRECKED HiM
daym, havent blogged in awhile
FEELiN:MY BRACES FCKiN HURT..OH MY LUCKY STARS..YOU DONT KNOW HOW THIS SHiT FEELS..
yesterday was the greatest..i was actually out agen..and i got to see the guysh..i chilled with pie for like 3o minutes kuz her stOopid ass was onliine the whole time i couldnt get a hold of her..so anyway..i left around 1..then went to exchange to say hey to annie really quick..she was on her lunch break and she sed she was gonna go home so i saw steven his sister and his niece and we drove to the bowling alley..to see pat and them..i saw leonard, jeff, and pat ..stayed there for awhile..til leonard drove me to my appointment..mannnnnn did i wait til forever in that frickin place..and gess who i saw in like the longest time... AACEEEEEE..yeeeeeeeeaaahhhh...hahahha..i havent seen that mofo since the last mongo that i went to..anyway..he had to fix his retainer or something..bekuz ace is gay and he doesnt know what hes doing..succccckkkahh..then frickin ppl didnt call me in til 45 minutes later..i was on a mission here..daym had to get shit for my mom and chill with the guysh..so then ace waited for me til i was done..awww.. hes such an awesome guy..then went to exchange kuz i had to get this ramen stuff for my mom..and i paid for this bill for the phone..jeeeaaa..hahha..then we went to the comissary and ace helped me shop..aww..and he held my basket for me..yeaaahhhh..thats right..ace was my bitch yesterday..he owes me kuz i bought him a box of kOol aid and fruit rollups..mann im so jealous..im not allowed to eat any of that stuff kuz of my braces..3 more months belle..you can do it! then we split kuz he went to richies and i went back to the bowling alley to meet up with the guys..i thought i lost my wallet and i was sOooO ABOUT to cry..mannnnnn..leonard found it tho under the table..mann im blind and STOOPiD..i thought jeff wasnt talkin to me either kuz erytime i'd talk to him he'd jus look away ..OUCH..but hes talking to me now..he gave me a bart simpson toy..jeeeaaa...then i went taco bell with leonard..and gess what my receipt number was ..437.. OMGGG.."out of all the numbers.." said leonard.. i go..iTS A SiGN..mannnnn..then we went to go pick up pieyah since she was a loner at her house..i had to get out of shot..gosshh..then we went to the gym..kuz they wanted to work out..me and pie stayed in the car..and i had to go home in 3o minutes so we started walking back ..i cant believe she dint watch snl..mannnnn i was laffing by myself about the shit i saw last saturday..fckin idiot..muahhaha..anyway so HiGHLiGHT of the day..i saw.....and he waved..and i waved at annie mae and ...jeaaaa..go headddd belleeee..but mann, it made me think..[ i 177155 41177 a lot :\ ] i went home..then pat and scOoba came by to visit..4o days en 4o NiGHTS..oh lordy..YOU GUYS CANT DO iT..YOU CANT LAST TWO DAYS YOU MOFOS..sorry..i bet on that..but not really..kuz i dont know if ima win..muahha..alrite..talking to roanne now..and i GOT A HiGHLiGHt..jeeaaaa..muahahha...alrite..this is long gonna go..sHooooOOoOoOOoO

2002-07-21T18:30:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: DiLEMMA
FEELiN: dumbfounded
YOUUUU DONT KNOWWW WHAT YOU MEANNN TO MEEEEE....
OOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGGG...YESSSSSSSSSSSSS im goiiiiiingggggg outtttttt......finalllllllllllyyyy..holy crappers..i didnt blog yesterday..goshh..i went shopping tho..[thankgodforpacsun] yeaaaaaahh..dion sent me this thing online..for what he wanted for his bday..a GAS car or soemthing..and i sed..."DiON YOU WANT A NEW CAR?" lol...ohhh mann im the sToOpidest ghurl in the world..i thought he wanted to buy a new car..DZzZzENG..so he sent me it..but MY RETARD COMPUTER wont let me see it!! its kOo..he'll prolly get me that brace face paul frank sweater that i want..AHEEEEM..muahaahha $44.50..at least it aint as much as his 300 ..400 dollar gas car!! haahaha..its OKAYE DiON..i told him i wanted a new cell..it only cost 105 yen..kuz im getting a bill one..its cheaper..blah i win dion..anywayyyyyyyy.. nothing really happening..shoooooooo..

2002-07-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: WHAT WENT WRONG
FEELiN: emotionally involved
good charlotte ..benji is hot..ohhhhhh mannnnn..rite briana? yeppers.. we got a lot in common now..we didnt even debate on who was hot and who wasnt..muahhha..unusual..i stayed in today..as alwaise..the other day anne called me..jeaaaaaa.. and i talked to her online tooO..i havent written jeny bax..and i needa go do that.. hmm.. went out and did stuff for my mommy..bought shamPOo..and cds and magazines..[ 1 42113177 5709930 117 21114173..i quit] daym this place is fckin dead i wanna move out..geeeeeez..then uMm..what else.. watched allllll these frickin movies that i've seen like a trillion times..and went tO this soOPer coOL blink page..and uHh..jeaa..its 939 and waiting for ppl to come online..im about to get off..purty soON..RiTe about NOW..

2002-07-18T18:49:00.000-07:00

i saw this hella dOooOope thing that kaysssaaayy sent me..[thanxkay..HILARIOUS]
http://www.tickletykes.com is dooOpee

2002-07-18T18:36:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: DOWN FOR YOU
FEELiN: cant sleep
mom woke me up
faaaaaackkkk
talkin to jeny.drin.jacks.gemz.
iTS DiFFERENT [fifferent..ah so desu ne.. heheheh]
seriously..cant explain it..but that bOnd..different from the rest......JENNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYHEEELLPPP
fccmksjfcioecklejfkljf lfdkfjkdsjfkdsj .....arrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh

2002-07-17T20:32:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: i FEEL SO .... mad..angry..careless..so lost confused..cheap..so used..ungrateful..lets start over..lets start over..
FEELiN: i CANT DO iT
its 1223 pm and im bored outta my brains.. yesterday was purty..hMm.. hectic? i dont know..its confusing i couldn't explain what i felt last night..and i wrote my best fren two times yesterday and i tried i'ming her ass but shes prolly sleeping anyway.. i dont wanna explain what im going thrOo rite now..kuz i dont know who the hell may be reading this and i dont want too much out before eryone in the world knows by tomorroe.. the feelings are still undeniable..they're still there. i didnt waste my time..it was all worth it..i WAS the one..i was there for him..i called..i did things..favors..i made him laugh..i took care of him..he cared about me..he made me laugh..memories..we shared a lot..stoOpid share of jokes and laffs.. never ending conversations over the most stOopidest things that made our time spent worthwhile..waiting by the phone for his call.. signs that alwaise came to me erytime i was out with my frens.. taxi numbers..2, 22, 11, 47..the letters..B.. buying fOod at the exchange or taco bell..and the receipt numbers.. 437, 457, 222, 022..mongo numbers.."its a sign..its a c----e thannggg.." im gonna really miss those.. :| [february2july17]:'(

2002-07-17T04:23:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: HiT OR MiSS
FEELiN: wayyyyy down
i dont want to

i have to believe it

i dont want to

i have to believe it

..yunno those feelings that you've never felt before..that jus comes and goes.. well i felt like that for awhile..and mann does that hurt..[thankgodforbestfrens..] i STiLL dont want to believe it..i was soooooooooooooooo ShOoORE..what happened.. but you can't alwaise get what you want..and ill be happie..for myself for him for her for me for you for i..blaaaah.. daym does it hurt.. i feel STOOPiD like my socks..

2002-07-16T20:22:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: SEEiNG RED
FEELiN: REEEEEAAAALLLLLLL GoOooOoOOodD
its late but....HAPPiE BiRFDAEEEE ERRBEEENNNN SOoOOoOoPERMERCADO..wowzers..mabelles finally out..go get a tan or something!..today i watched mr. deeds wif pieyah kaybee fatrick and jeffay..it was pritty gOod i gess.. some parts were funnie..especially this one guy that kept laffing outta nowhere..holy macaroni his laff sounded funny ..i gess he dint notice that ppl were laffing at him and not with him.. my day started blahh.. i woke up at like 1030..helped my mom cook.. [yesshecangetupnow..noidontgivethatastandingovation] and cleaned almost entirely the whole house..i downloaded songs..yay it works.. and then called karenbell to see if she was still going onbase.. tomorroe shes gotta appointment and shes asking me to come with her but i doubt it kuz her ass is leaving at six in the morning and my dad leaves for a month and 2 weeks tomorroe!! my summers gonna suck..[dontfeelbadforme.ihatethat] [prayingtostillbeabletogotomongo] muahah ..so i went to her house and chilled for awhile..saw this winnie the pooh puzzle that they made that took them until 4 am to make..no life? made sure we wouldn't end up as twins like the last time we chilled onbase..hahah TWiNS!! she was looking throo my window geez! left around 4..went to pieyahs house..picked her up..then went to fatricks work to go get him but found out that he was at jeffs..went in line for the movies and waited til foreverness for them to get there.. pritty hilarious kuz we encountered some strange ppl at the movies.. theres the geeks with the bald heads and the loudest laff..some dood that alwaise made farting noises erytime he passed by ..weird..and the guy that jus laffed at about erything in the movie..muahha.. i almost got caught!! muahah..throw that phone at her! oOps sorry i fell.. darn, should've done it..i got to see jeff for the first..er second time since he got back..i thought he was mad kuz he wasn't talking to me..i gess he was jes shy..thats my alwaysontime singing partner i missed that boy!..i saw jackz, rhea, and krys..after the mOoOvies we chilled infront of benny and jes talked for awhile until we had to go fOod court and eat ..yeah, like i ATE..i ended up playing w/ karenbell's phone[daymiwantoneshesmakingmejealouskuzthatsthephoneiwanted] then we went home.. my day was purty exciting..i was trying to make the most of it kuz its not like this white chick's gonna see the light of day until another 4 days..shhhhiiiiiiiiit..laterbaters

july17
writing in here agen.. the one i wrote up there was yesterdays..but i dint get to save it kuz my comp froze..disks are lifesavers..i thought i was gonna fall asleep kuz i wrote that around 2 am.. anyway best dream ever occured to me agen..this time no one had to wake me up..kaybee's prolly onbase now..and i wanna go..but then i had this lil thing with my mom about coming home later than usual agen..blahh same ol shit ery daym day erytime i go out with my frens.. back to the dream..it happened agen! gaaaa daymmm whoOo shit..this alwais happens erytime something bad happens to me..well seventh period..chemistry class.. [62113 1773 2 15155 017 743 643315 ..7 or 8 7117735 :)] and dannnn he kept pulling me to go with him inside but i dint wanna go so i pulled away and went to my seventh period..gess who else was in there.. 627 and she sed HEYYYYY BELLE! what tha hell is up with me? i seriously want something like that to happen in real life..but why does it only happen in my head..maybe bkuz i WANT it to happen..but it'll only let me see it in my dreams.. awesome... hahah FAR OUT..rite piara? [dood..put that oooouuut-orange county]

2002-07-15T02:50:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: COMPLiCATED
FEELiN: wishing ONE DAY to become..FAMOUS
my mom's being a hoe agen...can you say [nolife]? geezzzz.. boredness is really getting to me..i finally made up my mind!! yessss go me..the frustration has finally left my chest..and mann, does this shit HURT..i talked to my best fren, jeny about my stuff. [ghuryouknoesshhhdonttell] she always has the greatest advice to give me..and of course, i always take it..bekuz in the end, erything turns out rite for me..:) if you ever have problems or what not..go to jeny she'll know what to say and what to do..you'll be glad to thank her in the end ..muahha..anyway..my frens dont know who i am anymore i dont think..i gess i got pritty much upset w/ my frens over the whole.."oh well since mabelle can't go out..we dont need to ask her if she wants to come with us to watch movies or chill onbase.." im human here..and its not like i left to go to another country.. can't you call a nicccaaa sometimes? geez.. stop talking about yourself belle.. daymmmm..but i dont know..i got upset over spring break when they didn't tell me about this bbq that THEY had.. they knew i was grounded..but i got offgrounded the next day..kuz what i got grounded for was pritty stOopid..so anyway.. i got mad kuz they couldn't even tell me ..or even ask ..yes, i think im invisible to my frens..the ones who know im there is prolly scOoba er pieyah..blahhh.. well i talked to drin today tooh.. is it really infatuation? [DONT THiNK SO ALDRiN..] i thought it was more of luving..but NOT being in luv..i think that comes later.. rite drin? tha advice drin gave me really helped tooh.. and gemma, thanx a lot.. :) (y) hahah.. its 649 pm..dont have a lot to say anymore..ill prolly continue this later..laterbaters

2002-07-14T18:41:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: nothing
FEELiN: like a mouse looking for CHEESE
mannnnnn my comfOoter froze agen and i wasn't even done.....goshhh...im here now..so i think ima start agen..i woke up at 9 something today kuz fckin piara called me..she had to wake up at 7 to drop her sister off somewhere and she told me she might come down here..daymmmm yo..its supposed to be me going there ..i miss going there :| im on a deserted island..anyway last night i had the cOoOolest dream..i think i sed before that my dreams have been bad lately..well whatever situation im in now..or whatever bad is happening to me was the total opposite in my dream..and honestly, it was gOoD..i was getting a long with my fren and i seriously felt that bond that we used to have..in that dream.. whOoO THAT MADE ME SMiLE..something about the skOol having a fire drill..then we walked back together infront of benny?..and we played out how it used to be..the waist grabbing and the head pulling and the question asking, the mocking.....i wanted my dream to last longer....but nooooooo PiARA CALLS..its okaye..then in my dream..i dont know if cat is still mad at me..but i remember talking to her ..we actually talked like how it use to be..i think one time we were walking back to class..and i gess i missed the door so i bumped my face against the sliding door..and she was walking in the back of me, and she's laffing it off telling me "you're dumb, belle"..cat use to alwaise tell me that..that im dumb or that i was stOopid but i knew she was jes joking..i miss telling secrets and cracking jokes, sharing ice cream[YOUHAVEGERMS!HAHA]..i think my mind was reminiscing last night. tell me why cant it happen in REAL life..dreams are cOo but i get skurreeddd..especially the skurryyyyy ones i USE to have..that was a bunch of BS..more laters..

2002-07-14T17:59:00.000-07:00

PLAYiN: YOUR BOYFRiEND SUCKS
FEELiN: I'M TOTALLY LOSING IT
pie's online doing something with her page..not really responding to me..thats why msn pisses the fck outta me sometimes..and getting disconnected makes me wanna throw something at my brother.. i wrote roanne a longgggg letter telling her about me and what's going on.. i feel like im writing another blog bekuz writing to roanne is like writing in a fckin diary.. she knows my shit as well as pie and kaybee. anyway..well i told her how i felt about my whole situation and stuf..im still trippin out and i know i shouldn't be..why do i feel this way? i really dont know how to approach it ..i mean, its hard.. ive never really felt this way about 5017730173 before.. for the first time, i took this really seriously..sometimes, things dont work out w/ guys and me..they're usually the ones to break up with me..and i feel like a dog, coming back for more kuz of course, i still like them..and then once i hook up w/ someone new.. i know what im gonna get in the end..from past experiences, they left me for somebody else..mann, that hurts like a real bitch..i jes fall too easily, and in the long run, i'm gonna get hurt in the end..so i'm wondering, why do i still get with guys if i know what's gonna happen? i think i am dumb foreal[itsjusme..itsnotthaticantbealone..its jus having a boyfren is pritty much the best thing in the world to a ghurl like me..boys can be dumb and stoOpid, but that connection er bond is fckin undeniable and SWEET] being able to have someone to hold on to, making you feel like everything in the world is all rite..knowing from what happened to me in the past, they invented the chicks known as COCK BLOCKERS and the guysh who are jus fckin assholes..it takes me awhile to get over someone..im not like them other ghursh that i know that only takes three days or less until they hook up with someone new. i dont know..its jus not me.. :| why do guys change the way they are anyway? one day they're someone you can't imagine knowing or being with..the next is totally a different guy..mood swings? sex changes? multiple personalities? what..i jus dont know..sometimes, i realize that i'm a fOol for trying to do something that prolly won't happen..i try my hardest, give my all..but if its not worth it in the end, i have no intention of getting mad.. its jus experiences..im learning here..but i feel like my trying was jus a bunch of bullshit..the past few days i felt like shit, worthless, stoopid, useless..its my fault..i feel it inside me.. i regret a lot of stuff.. thinking i should've done this, i should've said this..but something inside is keeping me from doing what i wanna do..i wanna let it allllllllllllllll out..but i hesitate, then i become this big wuss and back out..imisshimsomuch..that tingle's still there and the memories are still there in my mind..crying seriously does not help..i need to get off my ass and at least do something..am i really that stoopid for falling in and out of luv for someone? maybe i am falling in luv, maybe i'm not..theres jus something that made me feel this way..it hurts..its jus feelings.. rite?

2002-07-14T03:50:00.000-07:00

playin: ain't it funny
geeez.. three hours online..talk about having no life.. i went thrOo all these pagess that i've never seen before.. mann, was i bored? hahha.. i ended up looking at leonards page.. wow, that boy writes a lottt.. i wanna see my name in somebody else's blog.. muahah.. well i talked to piara today.. on the phone..while i rearranged my room.. so i moved all this shit from one end of my room to other..it looks funnie but i needa do something about it.. it still looks like shit and i almost broke my stereo..its madddd dusty and i still need to vacOoOm.. i talked to piara..and we talked about the usual "what did you do today..what time did you wake up" ..the cracky jokes.. about my mother.. gosh, when will it ever end? crippled this crippled that.. I GIVE THAT A STANDING OVATION.. would you stop already..daymmmm.. and i gess im still trippin out about some shit that ppl told me :( what am i gonna do? i never expected for it to be this way..or end up like this? mann, i miss those days..especially when i reminisce about all the memories.. i cry sometimes.. but i need to be stronger than that.. 01-02 this skOol year, is pritty much the best skOol year i've ever had..toOh many stuff has been happening..and sometimes i dont knoe how to handle it.. this summer pritty much sucked..i haven't even stepped outside since.. shit, i even forgot.. so far, i've been chillin with kaybee, steven, patrick, and sometimes leonard.. last saturday i ate mongo with tris, dion, pieyah, kaybee, and frances.. i met frances that day kuz i haven't seen her since she first got here..i missed that ghurl! muahha.. but she left to go to the states.. she better be back, jus like roanne's SUPPOSED to come back.. ima beat her up.. dayssss are getting soooooooo longggg.. im pritty much worthless without a life..i listened to madddddd songs today..and i still can't hit that note.. muahahha.. lately, get away has been my song..but yunno my song will ALWAYS be *alwaysontime* ppl think of me erytime they hear that song.. jeff and my shoulder *alwaystherewhenyoucalll..* aww..i haven't done that in awhile! or cell phone ringers.. "oHh, its mabelle..i know its her song" or even our maroara page.. its on mines[thanxpiaralynn] im waiting til the day skOol starts[impathetic] can'ttt waiiiit.. for some reason.. hMm..i wanna get out of this shithole already :|

2002-07-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

playin: long days long nights
WHAT HAPPENED? i talked to some of my frens today..and roanne called the other day..we talked for awhile this and that.. she better come back kuz her grandma wants her to stay there..it matters that she comes back..bekuz when she comes back..thats the time when i'm prolly leaving this place.. yes, sad, but true..i dont know.. i wanna leave..but then i dont wanna leave.. for some people, maybe its best that i do leave.. for others, doesnt matter.. i'm only an hour away.. highskOol year so far has been the shit for me..you can say i've been throO a lot with frens i'll never ever forget..meeting new frens, memories, chill days, endless talks on the phone, blah blah .. its not gonna be the same.. i've been moving back and forth and although i've done this two times..im sick and tired of it.. especially experiencing drama in ways that i dont really need rite now.. what happened to promises made by my mom? she broke it already..i gess i might not graduate here..who knows..we'll see.. last night, i gess kaybee forget to bring over my stuff..[itsokaye..oh yah i like your new phone:|] my ikego hoes, patrick and steven bothered me.. im watchin girl, interrupted...go awayyyyy.. muahhaha.. woke up today at 1130.. [andistillcan'tgetenoughsleep] fell asleep last night watching snl..... [BRIANFELLOWSPIARA] muahaha.. talked on the phone w/ roanne..ate taco bell.. yessssss even tho im all the way here i still can eat something from outside this house [thankgodfordads] watched not another teen movie.. like i sed, i feel reallly stOopid.. talked to gemz[wherewouldibewithoutyou] ..where's piara? goooshhhh go home already..more laters..

2002-07-13T04:30:00.000-07:00

playin: island in the sun
i feel like shit. asking myself agen? what jus happened..it all started..my mom, dad, and brother..all against me..what's going on? i didnt do jack shit..but then agen..its the usual.."its all your fault" my brother's a snitch like that..you wonder why he's gonna grow up gay ..but he's not!! piara: he's not gay.. [ COME HEEEEEEEEERREE MARKK..GEEEEEEB MOMMY A KEEEEESSSS ] lol.. shuddup ..the usual ranting about how im not so initiative as my mom wants me to be.. go get this..go get that..do this do that.. i still hear her voice inside my head.. [steven:maybeiamschizophrenic] yeeeeahhhh shure rite..yesterday was crazzzzzzyy.. kaybee's scared outta her pants..and daym, she FINALLY comes out..supposed to go eat mongo..[but then agen, how can kb eat when her teeth hurts like a bitch..DAYM THOSE SPACERS TO HELL] get use to it..braces suck big cocks..42 more days and its gone.. well not 42? but i dont know ..i dont really count.. notice how i usual do this regular bullshit when i dont have anything better to do.. working on our maroara[foryouslowpploutthere] page was a hassle..all the shoutouts..yes, i have frens.. lately?, no..sometimes.. always?, yes of course.. been out..HELL NO..half of the people on this base prolly has a tan now..except me.. [sunlesstanninglotion,roanne?] prolly, prolly not.. my brother's albino foreal..he's the one who needs to get out..and my mom.. okaye enough..why can't all experiences be gOod ones? the bad ones still leaves marks in my mind and i hate thinking about it.. yunno..whenever you get a vision of something bad..that happened awhile back ..and you jus want it to leave your mind already, but it still stays stuck there..i get those often..i wish my dreams would become better agen.. waking up crying is not a good thing to do..it happens alllll the time..watching too many movies..tsktsk..i should stop.. i feel stoOopid laffing by myself when i watch a fuNNie movie..take for example, scary movie 2..what else is there to do at home? singing my lungs out to songs that i'm beginning to memorize? and finally knowing the whole song by heart even not being able to hit the right note.. mabelle, do something practical at least..

2002-07-13T02:24:00.000-07:00

playin: everywhere
holy potatoes..ihaveofficiallybecomeanolifer has it come to this? what happened to getting ready to go to piara or roannes house? what happened to going to mongo every other saturday with my parentals? what happened to turning my radio up wayyyyy too loud in the car and my mom telling me to shut up erytime i sang? i miss those days.. the unevitable happened..here goes the start of my useless summer before junior year with my almost dead mom... incase you dint knoe..my mom became handicapped june 13 [SHUT UP PIARA, roanne, and dion] these loserheads think its reallllll funnie..whatever, i dont care. YES I DO CARE..